


Nothing Made Sense ('Til the Time I Saw Your Face)

by elemie89



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Cunnilingus, F/M, Library Sex, Love Letters, Secret Admirer, emotionally constipated idiots, we love them tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:01:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22674529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elemie89/pseuds/elemie89
Summary: Rey Niima has been exchanging letters and books with an anonymous admirer for the past few weeks. Rey wants to meet. Lets find out what happens next...
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 38
Kudos: 203
Collections: Solo Love Letters





	Nothing Made Sense ('Til the Time I Saw Your Face)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ksco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ksco/gifts).



> Based on the following prompt: college students (or library patrons?) exchanging notes/eventual love letters in the margins of a shared book(s) they borrow
> 
> To Lauren:  
> I hope this fulfills the prompt you gave me. I had so much fun writing this and I hope you enjoy. Much love to you and my Pink Ladies <3
> 
> Many thanks to my beta for yeeting about this with me.

[ ](https://imgur.com/uzlFVIN)

Rey Niima was a creature of habit. Five days a week, she ate the same breakfast and lunch. She did her laundry every Saturday and studied at the same library table Monday through Friday for three hours every morning. The rituals were her solace in life after growing up in chaos. 

Yet, here she was—skipping class, her heart thrumming in her ears. It was almost time. The time Maz, the librarian, said the notes and books normally arrived. It had been nearly a month of exchanging books and letters. Nearly a month of holding this precious secret in her heart. A secret none could understand. At times, she didn’t understand it herself. How could she have feelings for someone she’d never even met? 

It didn’t make sense, but here she was, in her college library, hiding in the stacks, hoping to catch a glimpse of the man with the beautiful handwriting and even more beautiful prose. _This is crazy._ Peering between the books, there was still no movement at her usual table. 

She swallowed hard, the ticking of the clock on the wall in the study area sounding louder than ever before. 

_What am I doing here?_

It felt like an eternity later—but in actuality it was only seconds—she heard the floor creaking by the entrance to the study area. This was it, her mystery man was here. She tried to slow down her breathing, in an effort to keep quiet as she lurked, but she felt like she was louder than the engine of a revving convertible in the dead of night.. 

She closed her eyes, not fully knowing why she did. Maybe she was trying to stave off the inevitable reveal? Maybe she didn’t really _want_ to know who was leaving her love letters? No, she did. She _definitely_ did. 

Was it just a prank? Was it possible someone could feel that way for her...the way the poets and romance authors described in the novels and words that would forever go down in history? 

_Maybe._

The unmistakable sound of a book being set down on the table cut through the silence. Rey counted down from five before looking up. 

_Rip off the band-aide._

She looked up and was not prepared at all for the sight she was met with— _Ben Solo_. 

Her heart settled in the pit of her stomach, and she felt the prickling behind her eyelids signaling the preface of a terrible cry. Seeing him just confirmed her worst fear—this was a prank. There was no way _Ben Solo_ could be behind all the thoughtful notes and book recommendations. It was a cruel joke. Plain and simple. 

She wanted to sink into the floor. Cry. Something. _Anything_ . Be anywhere but here. She could feel her throat tightening. _Fuck. Not here. Not now._

“Oh. Shit.” Ben’s voice brought her out of her thoughts. 

Rey gasped when she realized where she was standing. Somehow, in the midst of her discovery, she had made her way out of the row of books and was standing in an obvious spot where Ben could see her. 

They stared at each other like deer in headlights. Frozen. 

The instinct for self-preservation kicked in.

_Run._

***

Rey ran into the library to seek shelter from the snow falling around. The blast of warm air from the building greeted her like a warm, cozy blanket, offering respite from the harsh upstate New York climate. Shivering as she took off her hat, then taking a sip of her coffee. This first week of the winter semester of grad school had been no joke. She mentally made a note to increase her coffee budget or invest in a coffee pot for her apartment. 

As she made a mental list of things she would need to buy once her loans and paycheck kicked in, Maz, the aging librarian waved at her. As Rey drew closer, she realized Maz was trying to tell her something. She pulled a headphone out of her ear, paused her podcast, and walked over to the front desk. 

“Someone left this for you,” she said, holding out a book. 

“What’s this?” Rey asked, puzzled. 

“The afternoon librarian left a note on this book requesting that this book be given to you.” 

“Huh, I didn’t reserve a book,” Rey said, partially to herself, partially to Maz. 

Maz shrugged, just as puzzled as Rey, and offered her the book. 

_Tuesdays With Morrie_ was the title of the book that Maz handed her. Rey had vaguely heard of it, including the miniseries that had run when she was a small child. She briefly skimmed the summary on the back of the book and was intrigued. Even more enticing was...who had left this book for her and _why_? 

“Thanks Maz,” she nodded and headed in the direction of her secluded study table. Upon arriving at her homework spot of choice, she thumbed through the book. A yellow Post-It flitted out of the first pages. Rey bent down to pick it up and was met with the most beautiful handwriting she’d ever seen—almost inhuman, really. 

_For experiencing the full spectrum of human emotion._

At first, the words on the note didn’t mean much to her, but a flash of memory came to her after a few moments of thinking. She had used those very words just a few days ago in the dining hall during her lunch hour. They were spoken during a conversation with her best friend, Rose, when discussing books. 

It was an offhand comment, but Rey meant it. Normally, when she needed release of some pent-up tension, she would read a good, sad book. Then cry and feel a thousand percent better. She might be an engineering grad student, but got lost in a good piece of fiction just the same as anyone. The semester so far had been kicking her ass. She was due for a cathartic crying session and a good book was just the ticket. 

Rey searched her memory bank for who was around while she was shoving a burger in her mouth, but she came up empty. It was maddening. Someone had known who she was, listened in on a private conversation and did something about it. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she was supposed to find this creepy, but she couldn’t. In fact… she liked it.

No one had ever taken the time to do something this _personal,_ this _special_ . She needed to find out whoever did this for her and properly thank them. A way to thank this kind soul didn’t occur to her until she finally went to bed at two am that night after binging _Tuesdays With Morrie_. 

After laying down, her eyes—puffy from crying—popped open and she sat straight up in bed with a satisfied smile. She knew what she could do. 

The next morning, she marched into the library at her regularly scheduled time. She scoured the shelves for a copy of her favorite epic romance. With a copy of _Anna Karenina_ secured in her arms, she marched up to the front desk, wrote a note of her own, and handed it to Maz. 

***

“Rey wait,” Ben pleaded as she moved to leave. 

She stopped to face him, tears threatening to form in her eyes. It was all too good to be true. “Do you think this is some sort of sick joke?” Her voice cracked as the words stumbled out from her chest.

“God, Rey, no…” he said, looking downright _offended_. 

“Well, that’s what it looks like to me,” she said, crossing her arms across her chest. 

“Is that really what you think I would do?” 

“I think that’s _exactly_ what you would do,” she retorted. She paused a bit to let her fury subside, all the while, surveying his face for something that would tell her was full of shit. She didn’t find anything. Instead, she saw the face of a man who had things to confess. 

_What was happening?_

***

The first time Rey laid eyes on Ben Solo was the beginning of the academic year in August. Due to a series of unfortunate events, Rey’s run that afternoon went late. There was no time to shower before her first meeting for all the TAs in the science and humanities departments. Yet, there was no one to impress, so she dragged her butt to the meeting clad in a white workout tank top and black leggings. She was still a bit sweaty, glistening from her exercise. 

Looking down at the ground as she adjusted her thee buns, she really couldn’t see where she was going. Which wasn’t a problem until she ran into a wall. 

“Fuck,” she said to herself, then quickly realizing that was _no_ wall she’d bumped into, but a human male after she heard a huff of annoyance from the wall. 

She looked up, craning her neck to apologize to the human refrigerator she’d just run into. 

“Sorry,” she said, giving him a sheepish grin. _Oh no, he’s hot_. 

Hot wall man stared at her for a few seconds, his coffee brown eyes boring into hers. His gaze was _intense._ The kind of intense which made her think he could actually hear her thoughts. She shifted in her spot under the weight of it. 

He grunted at her. He actually _grunted_ at her and turned away, walking toward the meeting room. 

_Who_ was _this guy?_

She caught him staring at her a few times during the meeting, always averting her gaze when he was caught. What was his problem? 

Rey nudged her best friend Rose, who was sitting right next to her. “That guy over there? Who is that?” 

“I think that’s Dr. Palpatine’s TA, Ben something…” Rose whispered back. 

“He’s been looking over here pretty much the whole time.” 

“He’s hot though…” 

“Rose!” Rey protested a bit too loudly. 

Dr. Palpatine cleared his throat from the front of the room. “Something you’d like to share with all of us, Miss Niima?” 

Rey shook her head and they moved on with the meeting. 

***

Ben scoffed and cast his eyes to the ground. Maybe he was thinking about how he’d acted toward Rey—she at least hoped he felt the least bit of remorse for it. 

“But you don’t like me. You never speak to me, you never look at me, you act as if I don’t exist,” she challenged. 

She couldn’t understand how the man who had penned such beautiful letters to her was the same stoic, taciturn man who hadn’t said more than ten words to her in the past six months. All the words she’d written to him came racing back to her. 

_The books you recommend feel so personal, so intimate. It’s like you know me, but we’ve never met. I can’t believe that someone understands me so well just through exchanging letters._

He had written back: 

_Receiving a letter and book from you is the best part of my day, week, month, hell, year…_

She remembered the rush of excitement reading those words. The giddiness. The smiling at random times when she thought about them. Exchanging the letters had just been a fun game, something to pass the time in between the rigors of college life. As soon as she read the letter where he called her _the best part of his day_ , it became something more. Was this catching feelings? If it was, Rey didn’t mind one bit. 

“Self-preservation,” Ben mumbled, bringing her out of her thoughts. 

“Excuse me?” 

“I’m...not good with people,” he said a bit louder. 

“Understatement,” Rey said offhand. He winced, a pang of guilt surging through her. She’d clearly touched a sore spot. “Sorry, that was a bit harsh.” 

He shrugged. “I’m used to it.” 

The grumpy, dark mask he normally wore was crumbling. It was just them in that instant she actually felt sorry for him. All the things he’d confided in her— _his_ loneliness, pain, isolation, the family drama he’d alluded to—she saw it etched in his face. This _was_ the same person. He hid it well and his reasons for that were his own, but she could finally _see_ it. 

_When I read the books you give me, I feel like I'm reading them with you. I feel like I’m not alone. I feel seen. I hope that’s not too weird. - B_

_If you’re weird, then I'm weird. Everything you just said, I feel it too. Would it be too bold of me to ask to meet? - Rey_

Rey still had to ask. She bit her lip and looked up from the carpet. “Why didn’t you ever speak to me?” 

“I didn’t want to ruin the illusion. I’d made a bad first impression.” 

“You could have tried again,” she offered softly. 

He raised his eyebrows earnestly. “Would you have given me a second chance?”

Rey gave him a half-smile. “I haven’t run away screaming yet...” 

Ben smirked, “Thank God for small mercies.” 

“How long?” 

Ben drew closer. “Since you bumped into me on the first day of TA orientation.” 

Honesty. It was refreshing. A smile spread across her face. 

Ben sucked in a breath. “Rey, if you don’t want me here, if this isn’t what you expected, then I’ll go. I’ll leave and we won’t speak about this again, but I meant every single word I wrote in those letters. I just need you to know it was me. I _need_ you to know how insanely crazy I am about you.” 

Rey took a step forward. The gap between their bodies was nearly non-existent. She peered up at Ben through her eyelashes, her eyes falling to his lips. Her own lips began tingling as she realized how full and soft they looked. Was she really thinking about kissing him? She’s fantasized about kissing her mystery man in that blissful state just before falling asleep. She could never imagine her admirer’s face as she was kissing him, but now here he was, in the flesh. And holy hell, he’d just confessed how much he’d cared for her too. 

Her fingers trembled as she reached out a hand to touch him, to confirm this was real. Placing it gently on his shoulder, her breath hitched. Was she really about to do this? She rose slightly on her toes and pressed her lips to his. 

It was short and sweet, but left her feeling warm and dizzy. The smile he gave her as she pulled away, well, the poets would be hard pressed to find a word which described the level of joy and contentment on his face. She was the singular most precious and perfect thing in his world. Rey couldn’t fathom how she could be responsible for that, but she wasn’t about to question such things. 

“Can I kiss you again?” he asked, cupping her face with his hands, brushing a thumb across her lips. 

“You can kiss me anytime you like,” she replied, still drunk on the feeling from the first one. 

He pulled her in for their second kiss. Their second one was hungry and fiery. They had their first taste of each other, and now they couldn’t get enough. Soon, hands were roving and tongues were exploring as they made their way into a stack of books. 

Suddenly, Rey felt the hard and cool glass window on her back through her sweater. The window did nothing to stop them. Every neuron in her body was a live wire, exploding under the weight of his touch. 

“Ah,” she cried into their kiss as Ben ran a thumb over her clothed breast. 

He pulled his hand away like he’d just touched a hot stove. “Sorry.” 

Rey grabbed his hand and placed it back where it was. “Don’t be.” 

He swiped his thumb hesitantly over her breast again, placing kisses along her jawline and deftly moving down her neck. Rey threw her head back against the frosted window as he began kneading her breast in earnest. 

“Perfect,” he breathed against her neck as he continued working her over. 

“I touched myself there after I read that book of poetry you left for me,” she blurted out. _Fuck._ She didn’t mean to admit that. Too late now. 

He halted his motions and looked at her with a downright _sinful_ look. “Where _else_ did you touch yourself?” Words failed her. Her mouth was agape as Ben sank to his knees. With his nose, he gently grazed a damp patch on her clothed sex. “Was it here?” 

She rolled her head back at the new wave of sensations his touch had unleashed. “Yes,” she moaned.

He hummed appreciatively, sliding his hands down to her hips, massaging with his thumbs as they slipped under the waistband of her leggings. He lifted his eyes up toward hers, seeking her approval. 

Rey scanned the room, confirming they were indeed alone. Her breath hitched as she nodded and helped Ben pull her leggings and underwear down. 

The first swipe of his finger on her pussy set off a new wave of electricity through her body. Fainting wasn’t out of the question either as he placed an open mouthed kiss on her bare mound. She was addicted to this new high and would never stop chasing it. She bit her lip, the urge to cry out was so strong, she thought she might draw blood. 

Ben’s tongue swiped her parted folds, her hips bucking against his face. She brought one of her hands to her face, biting down on a finger to keep their moment a secret. His tongue continued licking hot stripes, picking up pace and unrelenting as if her cunt was his new religion and he needed to prove his devotion. Rey would happily let him worship at this altar forever like the true master he was. 

Every sensation was heightened—the flushing of her cheeks, the cool of the window against her bare ass, the electric pulses emanating from her core—it was too much and not enough all at once.

Her belly tightened, her hips canted faster against Ben’s face. She was close, _so close_. Snaking her hand down to her pussy, Ben stilled it before she could do anything. He gave her a wicked grin and resumed his ministrations—nibbling, sucking, and licking, whatever he desired. That was it. That was enough. Her release bubbling just below the surface of her skin boiled over. She swallowed her moan in her throat as her climax engulfed her body. 

All her limbs turned to rubber as Ben continued to clean up the evidence of their tryst. She nearly slid down the window dramatically, but Ben supported her until she got her legs underneath her. Her eyelids were heavy as she looked up at him and smiled. She felt almost drunk, but she didn’t care as she pulled him close, tasting herself on his lips. 

“I know it’s a little last minute, but would you like to have a Valentine’s Day dinner with me tonight?” 

Rey laughed internally at the realization that she had completely forgotten what day it was. “I would love that.” 

They put themselves back together and walked out of the library, hand in hand—with Maz winking at both of them as they left. 

  
  



End file.
